Ridiculousness

Lately, I have found, that everything just seems absolutely ridiculous to me.

I have to go to work, to earn money, so that I can live? Ridiculous!

I have to study, every evening, after working a full day? Ridiculous!

I have to go home and cook and clean for my family? Ridiculous!

I have to do basic things, every single day, like brush my hair? Ridiculous!

Void of Madness

Why is everything so damn difficult?

Why can I not study full time and not worry about work?

Why can I not work full time and be done with studying?

Why can I not have somebody to cook and clean for me?

Why can I not be calm and peaceful instead of being enraged and anxious?

Ridiculous, that's what it is.

Ridiculous because I am expected to work from 8:00-17:00 five days a week, I am expected to study every single day upwards of three hours, I am expected to cook meals for my family and keep our house clean, I am expected to have a social life and also sleep eight hours a night.

When? When am I supposed to be able to do all of this? When am I supposed to live up to all this expectation? It simply is not possible to do everything. Maybe if there were two or three of me...

But there is only one of me and she is so tired.

It's March and she is already tired of this.

Tired of working, cleaning, cooking and studying. Tired of failing.

Perhaps we all fail. I fail every single day. I cannot remember the last time that I completed my daily to-do list in a single day. There are usually at least two items that need to be pushed onto the following day because they weren't done, there wasn't time. Maybe we are supposed to fail, maybe there is a lesson to be learnt in failing...

When I fail, in a big way, there seems to be a ritual that I have. First I need to ignore the problem, eventually I will no longer be able to ignore it and I will become anxious and annoyed, then I will cry. Usually the crying is the second last stage but only if coupled with comfort food. Lastly, I will take a break. The break is usually a nap, a movie or even a book but once I am done, I take a deep breath and

I

Try

Again.

Sometimes that is all we can do, we can try again. Perhaps we will have to try again every single day but if we don't try then we are just going to continue failing every day and not once did I say that I wanted to grow up to be a failure. I want to succeed and that can look different to everyone. To some people it is getting a book published, to others it is earning a large amount of money and to others it is simply getting out of bed in the morning.

In order to succeed, we need to go back to the basics, where every small victory means something and allows us to create a building block. One day all of those small victory blocks will turn into a mansion or a castle and when we stand atop it, we will know that we tried and that it was ridiculous.

Thanks for reading xx