"Healthy"

I've always been fascinated by what people classify as healthy.

I for one have never been fit or skinny, usually chubby or borderline obese (Class One) but I've always wanted to be fit, now this is of course my fault, for being lazy although I often wonder if it wasn't influenced...

When I was young I was often given sweets and chips and cool-drink which had tons of sugar in it but I loved it and eventually it led to me having to get fillings in almost all of my back teeth because the sugar had rotted them to the core. (Gross, I know) Nobody told me not to eat so many sweets and I often finished a bag or two of chips without even thinking about it and I used to drink cool-drink like water.

I honestly wish I had of been one of those kids that was given fruit and Provitas for snacks because now, as an adult, I struggle with my weight and my image of myself as a result of that.

I love sweet things, I can do without many things but sugar is a real catch for me.

I also suck at listening to my body so I frequently over eat and only realize it after I've finished all the food. I think this is because of greed and taste, I'm not hungry but that is so yummy!

I also think it has to do with how I was brought up, if you have food on your plate then you have to eat it because somewhere out there, there are children starving. I despise waste, especially in food, but I repeatedly notice myself overeating because I'm too afraid to just leave it for later. I am trying hard to change this way of thinking and to get myself to the image that I have in my head instead of the one that I see in the mirror, I'm not going to lie, it's difficult.

For me, the most difficult thing is to remember what I'm working for. I need to physically stop myself from eating or drinking something sweet and say to myself: "Do you really want to eat that chocolate or would you rather stick this out and not be afraid to wear a bikini?"

I know a lot of people struggle with this so I thought that I should share my thoughts on the matter, it is difficult but if you do it for you then it's easy.

Don't ever let anyone else try to tell you how you should live your life or what you should be, it's your life and your body but if you want to make the change, then do it for yourself. Screw everyone who ever called you names because they might be fit, but I can guarantee you that deep inside they are ugly.

When I was in grade 8 (Standard 6) I was teased for the entire year by boys and even some other girls, for my weight and the way I dressed and the way I acted and it hurt, it really did but I know, looking back, that those people only did it to upset me, not because they actually meant any of it but because they wanted to hurt me and why would you do something like that if you weren't ugly inside?

So I adopted an attitude that basically told them to be nice or f#*k off and it has taken me years to perfect that attitude because deep down it still hurt, now I'm a duck. These things just roll off my back.

When you need to be yourself, learn from the ducks.

Thanks for reading xx